Just Because I Can't Get It Straight Unless I Write It Out..

I don't like journaling because my hands cramp. Blogging seems to be just the perfect alternative. Because there are some thoughts that can't be captured before my hands cramp, so why not type them? wait.. type what, your hands or your thoughts?
HAA, my thoughts, silly!

to cut to the chase, the following is a question I've been consumed with lately..

what are you supposed to do when you're trying your best but disappointing everyone?
... all I know is what I shouldn't do:
cry about it
get wrapped up in making people happy, that's not my job
give up trying my best
blame my deficiencies on other people
take out my wounded pride on my friends

ALL MY LIFE, I have had the ability to approach a problem, or a question in my head, with confidence because I knew I would overcome it, or.. answer it.
example: "Why does he act that way?.... because he's selfish, i was mean to him, and he is having a rough time right now." problem solved
example: "Why do I suffer even though I live for Christ?" (okay, I've never really asked this question, because I've always known the answer...*PRIDE* ugh.) "Because the world does not love Christ, so standing up for His name and living in His love will lead to temporary suffering."

even in the past year, I have felt that way. That I can solve anything on my own. and that is so wrong, so ignorant of the fact that I have such limited knowledge.
but, due to recent experiences, I have been questioning everything. well, at least, questioning everything I have ever came up with on my own. which is probably a good thing. it just hurts. and hinders motivation to thrive in this thing called life.
I know what it looks like to be doing the right things, to be living the right way.. and for the most part, I do that.
I go to school and enjoy it, trying my best to get good grades.
I strive to be the best friend I can be.
I am working on being a better daughter, sister, and most of all better child of God.

but I don't feel motivation. I wake up and feel indifferent.
but I know I should be motivated. I should wake up with a purpose.
but I don't.

and I don't know how to fix it.